I believe we are here to feel. Feeling is what we are born to do. I imagine each feeling as a doorway on a long corridor. With every feeling I experience I get to step through a new door and experience a new landscape (unless I fight the feeling of course, which so many of us do when the feeling is unpleasant).
Confidence is one of the doors, it’s a big white door, and has light seeping out the edges where it meets its frame.
When I step through the door I feel the confidence as a spirit like presence that sits right in the centre of my body, seeping out along my veins. I have an urge to catch it and hang onto it and use it as best I can when I feel it. As hard as I try though it regularly slips through my fingers.
I’m not sure why I desperately want to hang onto it. What would life be like if I was confident all the time? The image that comes to mind is an army tank, a path of destruction in its wake. There is poetry in being nervous, unsure and vulnerable that doesn’t always get to come out and play when confidence abounds.
But I love that confident feeling. When I feel the presence of confidence I believe I can achieve anything I dream of, it feels light, and adamant and fills me with ease.
But confidence is just one feeling, one landscape through one door. We must make time to explore all doorways, all landscapes.
What I’m learning is to hand myself over to confidence when it’s there, to step fully over the threshold, but realise that I don’t get to stay there forever. I don’t want to, I want to see where else there is to explore. But whilst I am there I will soak up the feeling, use it to take bigger steps and forge a brave and courageous future.