How commitment is changing my life

Commitment is an emotive word. For some it brings up thoughts about relationship, investing your all to a significant other or a dependant. But what does the word mean when related to us individually? What does it mean to commit to me?

One of the first pieces of work in coaching is an exploration into who you are at your core, who you are when you are working and living in your element. This particular process is inspiring and enlightening and empowering. It opens up a whole new world of self discovery. This piece of the puzzle is like The Matrix where Neo is first introduced to the idea that he is ‘the one’ and that there is way more to him than the shy and small version he choses to be as we see him at the beginning of the film.

Later on in the movie, Neo gets to choose whether to continue on this journey of truth (swallowing the red pill), or go back to the life he had before (swallowing the blue pill). Neo of course goes on to swallow the red pill, and has to fully commit to the path that lies ahead.

The discovery of who you are at your core is the easy bit. The bigger and often more difficult piece is embracing that new version of you fully and completely. The real work is swallowing the red pill. But what does that actually mean, how does that play out in our lives?

Over the past few years I’ve recognised the essence of who I really am, at my core I am deeply peaceful and can hold space for others to really dive into more of themselves. For many years I would shrink to the side of existence, desperately clinging to a life raft not wanting to dive into my own emotional depths. The discovery that there is depth and scope for me to dive, explore, to be in my essence, is like me recognising the option to choose the red pill. I have felt more alive and more empowered in this knowledge than ever before. But then I look at my life, and see that in many ways the grip on the life raft is still pretty firm. I still struggle to ask a burning question of a speaker when in a room full of people, I still shy away on some occasions from fully celebrating the work I do.

And what I really want, is to fully commit to the fullest expression of who I am. I want to stand tall, to ask the burning question, to shout loud and proud about my existence in the world and the gifts I bring. But as with everything it’s step by step, and so I have decided to introduce manageable actions to get me closer to living my truth.

For 30 years I never wore heels, except on rare occasions. Now just to share my perspective, heels for me mean stepping up and being seen, celebrating the space you take up, being tall and proud. And the other week I bought a pair of everyday, heeled shoes. This sounds like nothing, but what happens every time I put those shoes on is I commit to the space I take up in the world, I commit to being really seen, because when I put these heels on I’m about 6 foot, and I am seen.

The second aspect of myself I’ve tried to tame over the years is my curly hair. GHDs have been my best friend for many years, I can still remember the first day I tried them, honestly it was life changing. However, naturally my hair curls, it’s actually a bit untameable. And so recently I went and had it all chopped off apart from a mad nest of my natural curls. (See featured picture!)

Now these examples might seem cosmetic, but what they really are is symbolic of the way I want to show up in the world, they are symbolic of the transition I am making between imagining and dreaming about the person I want to be, and really living it.

And with every action that I carry out that gets me standing more fully in the greatest version of who I am, the more I feed my subconscious the idea that that is who I commit to being.

We are all ‘the one’ in our own lives, we all have something special and unique that deserves to be explored, and deserves to be committed to.

  • Dieter Hachenberg
    Posted at 10:37h, 14 November

    I love this post Hannah. I really enjoy your openness and honesty here. Sure to some people wearing a pair of heels may be no big deal but for you it gives permission to become the best version of yourself and to create the impact you wish to create. I also want to acknowledge you for making bold external statement with your appearance and your hair to signify what is happening within. And that the choice to become fully you is a choice that we make daily and actually renew in every decision we make, conversation we have and also who we are when no-body else is with us. When we are alone and with only ourselves for company – to demonstrate then who you really air is ultimate authenticity.
    I look forward to your future posts!

  • admin
    Posted at 13:35h, 14 November

    Thank you for the comment Dieter, I love the reminder that the commitment has to remain when we’re alone. It’s not just about stepping into who we really are when around other people, it’s about stepping into who we really are all of the time!

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