So just to clarify I am not due to be wed anytime soon, sorry if I lured you into this post on false pretences. I’m not even sure that getting married is for me, I’ve been asking my married friends for years what made them take the step, with answers including ‘because I love him’, ‘because that’s what you do’ and ‘for tax reasons!’ My favourite response was from a friend many years ago who said she married her husband so that they would be a team filled with love for life.
I love it when I’ve been a guest at a wedding, I love the glamour, the food, the Champagne, the entire day of emotional charge. Wedding days give us all permission to step into love. I cried at the father of the bride speech at a wedding last year and I didn’t even know the bride or groom. (I wasn’t at the wrong wedding, my boyfriend knew the happy couple.)
All the weddings I’ve been to have been so wonderful, and it makes me think if I do end up getting married I would want to create a perfect day. I would hate for it to rain on my wedding day, I really would. Sure I could talk myself into believing it would be fine if it rained, it’d be funny, we’d all bond by taking shelter, the photos would be a lasting reminder that we live in a country proud of it’s unpredictable weather. But the truth of the matter is that I’d only want it to be sunny, and I’d want the food to be perfect and the speeches would have to be funny yet poignant and everyone would definitely have to have an incredible time, it would have to be a perfect wedding day.
But who ever said love was perfect? The lead up to wedding days are often so fraught with stress and anxiety that things won’t go right. But if a wedding day is to reflect the rest of life with another person, making it as hiccup free is far from the roller coaster that is sure to follow. As humans we’re just not wired to be perfect in any area, including love. We’re wired to try stuff, get it wrong, learn from mistakes and then go again having grown from the experience. To experience love we have to be open and vulnerable and real.
If getting married is the starting point for being a team filled with love for life surely the day itself should be an opportunity to be open and vulnerable which means going with the flow if the food is slightly wrong, and feeling relaxed and forgiving if the speeches aren’t perfect, and dancing in the rain.