I’m noticing a shift in perspective about myself. It comes from becoming more conscious about whether I say ‘maybe’ to invites or requests, or whether I actually check in with myself and give a decisive ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
It helps massively to give a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ rather than a maybe, others can then either take action or move on, but maybe, maybe is no-womans-land, what happens next with maybe? The askee waits a while and then asks again, the idea fizzles out with a lack of energy, connections and relationships weaken without a decisive ‘this is how I’m feeling about this request or invite, it is not an attack on you personally if I don’t want to come, I just have other priorities…’
So anyway, since becoming more conscious about not saying maybe to other people, I’m more aware of how many times I unconsciously say ‘maybe’ to myself. When I say ‘I’d like to stop eating chocolate every afternoon, I’m basically saying, maybe I’ll stop eating chocolate every afternoon, and then the idea just stays in the maybe no-womans-land. Nothing happens with it, apart from it then re-surfaces again in a bit of a half hearted way when I get undressed in the morning, or when I read about how bad excess sugar is for me.
Whereas if I made the decision to either say yes to chocolate in the afternoon because it’s nice, and it brings me joy, then fine go ahead Hannah, give yourself permission. Or if I decide no, that is not what I do anymore, my body would like a break and I want to find an alternative, then action is taken, and I feel empowered.
I use a process with clients where we find an edge of a rug in the room they are in as we speak, and they stand on one side of the edge, in the land of choice, and I stand on the other side, in the land of commitment. And I invite my gorgeous clients to give me four sentences. Two begin with ‘I say yes to…..’ and two begin with ‘I say no to…’ It is a powerful process developed by The Coaches Training Institute. Once they have given their statements they come and join me in the land of commitment.
So imagine I am standing in the land of choice. And you are standing over in the land of commitment as my witness.
‘I say yes to drinking a green smoothie or juice everyday.’ ‘I say yes to stepping away from the online world when I feel overwhelmed by it.’
‘I say no to eating chocolate every afternoon.’ ‘I say no to drinking alcohol for the next two and a half weeks before I go on holiday.’
And then I take a step into the land of commitment, hurray!
So, I invite you to find the edge of a rug or similar and say out loud two things you say yes to and two things you say no to, and then take a step into the land of commitment. If you start thinking, ‘oh that sounds like a nice idea, I might do that later…’ stop! Either do it now or don’t do it at all – be decisive about it! And if you say yes let me know what you’ve committed to, I can be your witness 🙂