07 Feb Telling the Truth
I recently read an incredible book by Glennon Doyle Melton called Love Warrior. It’s about her relationship with herself and her husband through many trials and tribulations.
One of the key themes from the book was the importance of building a strong and loving relationship with ourselves. The author escaped herself with alcohol and drugs and an eating disorder for many years. She numbed the gremlins in her mind that fed her messages about her being a bad person and not worthy of love and belonging, by drinking or getting high.
The escaping meant she didn’t know what was true for her in terms of what she wanted in life, and in relationships with other people. She’d never taken the time to be still with herself, and to listen to the small voice within that had thoughts about how wonderful and lovable and kind she really was.
One of the ways she began to learn more about who she was and what she wanted, whilst also building up her self respect was to be honest in her conversations with those around her. She began to ask for what she needed more, in the moment. She began to say when she felt uneasy, or when she had some gremlins popping up in her mind.
When Glennon Doyle Melton gave herself the time to firstly, be still and quiet with herself so she could be kind and supportive of herself, and secondly, be honest in the moment about how she felt with those around her, she began to feel much stronger, and much more loving of herself and others.
Many of us bottle up our feelings, and take them away with us to mull over after the situation has happened. Or, we won’t work out how we really feel and instead project out some anger or frustration in the moment rather than saying ‘I feel like this’ or ‘I’ve got this belief about who I am at this moment and it’s making me feel awful.’
But being brave enough to say, in the moment how you really feel is one of the most powerful shifts we can make. Imagine if in the workplace we could all say honestly something like ‘I am really feeling the pressure right now, there’s so much work on, and I’ve got a small voice inside me saying I’m not up to the task, that I’m not good enough. And when you ask me to do additional things outside of my remit it only exasperates the feelings of inadequacy.’ Being self-aware and brave like this can transform situations and relationships.
When we give ourselves the space to realise how we’re feeling in a situation, then give ourselves permission and the courage to voice that in the moment, relationships get stronger, confidence builds, and self-esteem grows.
If you’re intrigued about this, and want to learn more, check out the book. I’d love to hear what you think.
With love, Hannah
PS. We would love to work with more leaders in the not-for-profit and public sectors. Email us hereif you are in a position of leadership and would like some coaching support around how to stay resilient and well in the role.
And, if you haven’t yet seen The Third Space, head on over there to read articles on dealing with overwhelm, which is our theme for the first part of 2019.